Getting up

Life has ways of knocking us down and when you get knocked down, get back up and repeat process no matter how many times you fall. But man after so many falls people get tired. I can’t get back up. I had mad pride. I said to , Myself I could do it, and I did and I was good at it.

Being in first place has it’s glory but at the same time always someone who wants to be better then you, and even if you beat them, one day a younger generation will come and from day one their goal will be to beat yours, and one day you will not be first anymore. it goes to a new person.

So what happens when you’re down? Well when I was denying God. Running from people who tried preaching the bible at me. I listened to self help. I watched motivation speakers. I tried doing all things things and I never was able to get back up. I was tired. I had a life not a lot of people have had on earth. I know this because I have spoken to many. And I don’t even speak a tenth of my life and most people say ohhh girl don’t tell me anymore.

I agree I don’t want to talk about the past.  That is not who I am today. But I hit a breaking point. I had no where to go. I truly do believe I had a mental break down. Which when I think about it, surprised I went as long as I did without having one sooner.  Men go to war and they after only but maybe 3 years are ruined mentally permanently. and honestly although I was not in war I do know I had so much tragedy happen to me.

Again not a lot had the life I did, and honestly it is not a competition; If you had a hard life I am praying for you. If you have a testimony speak it, but truly I am not in a race with anyone my friends. In fact I don’t even speak to be anything. I speak praying God send a former me to my page. I wish I had a woman like me when I was younger. I speak to everyone what I wish people would of told me. I asked so many grown up things and sometimes they answered and sometimes they didn’t

I found in my life the ones who gave advice for me to live, were the ones who really loved me.  Even if it was things I did not want to hear at the time. When I was down in my life at the lowest. When so many terrible things happened only God was there, and before I used to cry about being alone, and now I thank God for it. For it is those tears I shed that brought me to seeing God my friends.

I would not be speaking God so much if I did not believe so much. trust me, when I wasn’t a believe I was speaking anything but God. I spoke about drugs. I spoke about sex. I spoke about the things the world was doing. and I thought it was fun. I thought these things were happiness. then why am I alone crying I said?

I am glad God intervened in my suicide attempt for so many lovely memories I have had since. Sure I had other bad times but I had so many good things come, I can not be sad about the hard times. i don’t even really remember them. I remember seeing God. and I thank God for that.  I think if people got to see God. they would taking a beating for God 1000 times over. they would sell their houses, their possessions and they would say anything God!!! I give it up for you!!! if they really knew the love of God.

I tell you I only spoke about my life to say I would of did it all a hundreds over and worst. if I knew what I knew now and God spoke to me. Hey you are going to have to take a million beatings for me, So much bad things will come or you can take this easy path that leads to hell. or you can take that beating to see me. I would bend over, hand God the belt and say God 1 million give me, and can I have one more just so I never forget HOW GOOD YOUR LOVE IS!

I know this sounds sick but that is the reality of the life I lived. I was beaten so many ways, so many times and all of it brought me to God! ❤ man Indeed you turned my wailing into dancing! WHAT A MIGHTY GOD I SERVE!

Dear people if you are down, if you are broken. Call out to God for only God can quiet the storms. and Jesus said wind be still!  I pray many rest with Jesus my friends BECAUSE HARD TIMES MAKES YOU A BELIEVER!  Well for those who call on God anyways. I just think that IS WONDERFUL GOOD NEWS! My GOD is so WONDERFUL! ❤ Might want to watch part two of that suicide attempt if you watch one. You can find it by searching for it in the search bar.

A million times you get knocked down get back up. make it a million and 1. and when you get tired of that say God I need some help give me strength. or sit and rest with God. that is a delight!

Also to any who are seriously suicidal. I pray God lead you to a church, to a pastor, to a hospital, to the 1800 suicide number. To the bible. to prayer in the closet. anything so you can live friend and I pray you get to live and make a million and 1 new memories in Jesus name Amen!  life can change.  if you don’t like life sit down with a pen and paper and make a list. Get some help, get some counseling. Life is worth living you probably just going to have to change the direction you are heading in friends. I truly pray if any broken are lead to see this may God just give you a full body healing, mind, body, soul and spirit in Jesus name Amen!

The problem with most of my life is I was chasing fantasy looking for T.V. in reality and honestly that was a majority of my problems. I do mean looking for love in three days. searching for the perfect family. waiting for my dream guy to save me. i was going to get a million dollars from a stranger type thing. The fairy tale t.v. world perfect life romance, Cinderella stories rarely exist in real life, and if we spend all our life looking for never land we will wake up old and say what happened?  Just words to consider! Shalom dear people!

 

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