Ugly Up on Purpose

This was just a random blog. I don’t expect anyone to follow how I believe I am just writing.  Thought I should say that from the beginning.  I never really thought I was an attractive woman. and I can really dress up if I want but most the time I don’t want to. Put on a skirt and God forbid do my make up and I get people trying to break their necks to hold open doors for me. and even without I still turn many men’s heads. Sorry I am not boasting or bragging I live it and know it. maybe perhaps online does not show it.


Now I am a little fat. I put weight on this year after I lost it.  I got beat up and honestly I would stay fat always if it was not for health issues. I was an active person all my life, really fit. But then in my late 20’s early 30’s I allowed myself just not to care. I was in a terrible relationship and I let myself go.  I stayed fat for less then a decade and then I lost it all just from walking and exercising and proper eating. I kept it off for almost 6 years then I got tired. I sat around a few months after almost 6 years going hardcore. I was like I seriously don’t have to make this a lifestyle do I?


So I stopped. and I did not gain all my weight back but I was like oh no I can’t get back to what I was. So at the beginning of this year I was looking good. I was doing videos. and I was about to do an update then I got beat up.  Needless to say I am up a little again (I mean my weight) but I am back on the same path I was at the beginning of the year. Although i get knocked down . Can’t stay down, or down you will be.


It is getting harder to pick myself back up. I am getting older now. But my mind is still good and everyday we rise is a new chance to do it again. Another thing that makes it hard to loose weight I don’t want to get hit on. The smaller I get and was and have been in my life and even fat.  I don’t like getting hit on. I love big old baggy sweatpants just because then I don’t have to worry about every man trying to pick me up.


Sometimes I get called names because i don’t want to be hit on. No i don’t think I am better then any. Which is what a lot of men say when you say you aren’t interested. It would be different if they really wanted a relationship. But really it is about how quick can we get in bed? How many of you would stick around to get to know me? Looks fade. I believe in forever. I believe in real love. So do you want to get to know me I would think? what if I get sick? what if I get fat? Are you going to stick around then? I don’t want anyone who loves me for my looks. It is such a big turn off to hear I look good from strangers who then try and hit on me. Sorry just keeping it real.


Some people want more then sex. Some people believe in love. and love is not found in three days and that is truth. Try a year, try three. try getting to know me. But no people in the world want to hear that message. Why? if a marriage last forever then why can we not be friends for three years?  Just the way I think and honestly never met any who think like me or I would be happily married by now.


Perhaps I am sick in the head, when I say I did not mind being over weight. I did kind of enjoy it. I was mostly never over weight for more then half my life I was fit. I am glad I got to see both sides honestly. Fat is not healthy. I could care less about being pretty. truth be told I go out of my way sometimes (most of the time) to ugly up.  Are we suppose to confess this stuff? Oppsss. random thought.


The way I think does not seem to line up to reality in this world.  But I truly believe if people controlled the things in between their legs and thought more with their brains when it came to relationships maybe some of our relationships would last.  But then my thinking you have to resist the flesh. Lust is not always good. and if we are friends for three years and never hook up, what is the lost? and yeah i do mean a sexless relationship. To me a friend is priceless. but if we are friends for three years and get married then I think in my mind that is the most beautiful thing. Again I fully admit I think my thinking is off for this world because I don’t find people who agree with me but it is how I think regardless. Also in order for that to work I do suppose you would have to find someone who thinks the same as you.. 😀


How are you together when problems come? Do you have anything  in common? Can you talk things through?  Are they there in good times and bad? Is there any compassion? if you can get a long for years you probably are good candidates for marriage.  Pretty much how I believe and I do know I am pretty much alone in this one.  Too many people rather just sleep with people and hey in three years if it don’t work out, we can go sleep with someone else for three more years. Seems to be the common way in today’s times. Just my observation. There was no purpose in this chatter. just random thoughts.


Anyways I fully confess I like to ugly up. Some people want to flaunt their looks. Not me I do not like to be looked at as a piece of meat. relationships built on sex hardly last. I got to see people married for 50 years and speak to them. They said had they not of learned to work together they would not of made it.   I am old. I am ok with dying alone. For I never wanted to settle when I was younger and I still don’t now that I am older. and honestly since I have been single for so long I am happy to say I have been pretty good to myself. there is hardly any who want to stick when the going get tough and if others are ok with having sex and empty relationships I am not mad at you that is just not how I choose to live.

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