I am to the point I would rather pray then preach. I am to the point where I just want to rejoice, instead of judge people. A life change. I honestly no longer want to do the things I was doing for the last decade. I was making a lot of change earlier in the year. But as the next few years of my life, as long as time allows maybe for a decade, maybe more maybe less, all I want to do is grow.
I write music. I write poetry. I make jewelry. I am even going to journey into art work. I am picking up other languages. I am old. I am single. I am not looking. I truthfully don’t even think it is possible to have another relationship in my life. I am real cautious with who I let in and as I am not a spring chicken. I just don’t see the possibility. For I like to be friends. I don’t want to sleep with the first person that makes me feel good. and honestly I don’t want to have sex without marriage. and I don’t think I am interested. Again it would take years for me to consider such things and I just think realistically it just isn’t possible.
I am ok with this. I was single for many years and at first it bothered me, now I am just ok with it. I want to spend the rest of my days with God and moving forward. learning things, Enjoying life. I apologize if that seems selfish but every once in awhile I may write or speak some testimony, or a story or offer some good advice but other then that I am changing paths. Believe it or not I am even learning to speak better English. learning how to pronounce words I never bothered to learn.
Part of my life I didn’t even want to live. Now I am older I just want to enjoy all the time I have left. No matter how much that is. I don’t want to waste any hours letting people walk over me. Speaking words to people who don’t want to hear it. Being attacked because I care. I leave that to the younger generation and may God be with them and strengthen their harvest but as for me I am happily going to sit and do things that are pleasing to me.
I referred to myself as Anna because honestly I like being alone with God. The hours I spend praying. The hours I spend with the Lord I wouldn’t want to give that up for any. I have done that in times past and none of that ever worked in my favor. Years ago all I wanted to do was be married. have kids, be a good mother that was my dream.
The saddest thing I think is not that I did not get to live my dream, but that many are and they don’t even appreciate it. It seems all of us people want stuff we don’t have. Always thinking the grass is greener in someone else’s back yard! I am no longer gazing in my neighbor’s yard. I am trimming my own yard. planting flowers and bushes and admiring my own yard.
I learned most the time when people get what they want they don’t appreciate it anyways or they find that is not what they want anyways. Curly hair people want straight hair. married people want to be single. poor people want to be rich. I never heard a rich say they wish they were poor but I have seen rich envy the things poor people have that money can’t buy.
Either way I am almost 50 and I don’t have time to waste looking in other’s people’s back yards. I just want to sit in my rocking chair and enjoy getting old and growing in wisdom. I pray I can speak a word that can be a life saver to the next generation. This is my mind frame.
I do have a whole bunch of new hobbies and honestly I managed to keep God in all of them! I pray the new things I am doing produce much fruit but honestly the seeds are just being planted. I pray i have a good harvest! Anyways good night dear people. Or have a blessed day if it is just beginning. Mine is ending and I am off to enjoy some sleep!