Now the title says story and many think I might of meant job like a career, but no I mean like Job of the bible. When I was 12 I had a vision as a kid and God spoke I would have a hard life and none of it would make sense. and I saw a vision of things to come and many of the things I saw pertained to me. they were my life. I saw so many things it happened in just a flash. I kind of truly don’t want to write about this anymore but in order to understand I did have to mention this.
In this vision God spoke to me I would always keep the faith and because of lack of knowledge I never knew what that meant. Well at 24 years old I couldn’t take life anymore. everything God showed me, happened to me just like God said. I couldn’t be good anymore. I was tired. I was a sinner. I started praying God no matter what they do to me don’t let them change me and I got beat down over and over. I wanted to go back to my sin sooooooooooooooooo bad but I wouldn’t. so I kept praying for strength.
By the time I was 24 I had all ready been through the furnace and I said God I can’t take it anymore! you got the wrong person. and I planned the perfect suicide and this was a good and bad thing. I planned it so perfect nobody helped me. I told this story quite a few times all ready and honestly God knows how to deliver people.
I shut myself off I had three bottles of narcotics. I took them all and I cursed the day I was born. I said God I am sorry but you got the wrong one. I can’t keep the faith look at me. I am a sinner. So I swallowed all them pills that day.
I was cursed. I cursed the day I was born. I told myself God lied. Of course God did because look at my life. What kind of God would allow all this stuff to happen to me? I could go in detail all the things I been through and honestly the list is long, but I truly don’t want to talk about that stuff. trying to speed this story up.
I actually heard God speak that would make me a liar and I was awoke. I will perhaps write the rest of this out one day again, but just know God did not allow me to die but I lived. and I was not happy about it. I wish I could say I rejoiced but I did not. I would not speak to God. I was so pissed I lived. for almost two weeks I sat alone in that apartment mad at the world and God and finally I cried out why God? Why? Why did you just not let me die? and I heard a voice it said you are like Job. and I didn’t know what that meant. So I went to go read the Book of Job. God lead me to Job long before the Book of James.
And now I read James and I understand why. In James it tells us when we are tested to remember the patience of Job. for tribulations. God never lead me to New Testament not until many years after I had all ready been writing it. Why do I believe the bible? because some how, some way God spoke the scriptures to me in my time of need, without me even reading it and the Word just confirms to me that I heard God, but honestly I did believe before I read the Word.
God told me I would always keep the faith and that is funny because honestly if you ask me I had no faith at all, but I guess when I think of it I did for I sure did pray to the invisible God. and that God was so faithful to answer!
And honestly God knew what I needed to see. After I read Job I was happy like Job. I never knew Job cursed the day he was born. I also know just as Job, when my two weeks was over I have rejoice in the Lord also! For my tribulations did let me see God just as Job’s did! Plus Job helped me get over my own sadness for my God! all though I had sooooooooooo many dark hours I did not have all the things Job had happen to him. Job is what God used to show me someone always worst then you, and that is just truth. and ever since that moment God has helping me so much! I love God because the love of God saved me and I tell you God’s love is greater then mine because if I was God I am sure I wouldn’t of helped me.
You know many hours in my life. I used my own testimony to cheer people up. Hearing a few seconds of my life and many start giving thanks they did not have my life. and honestly just as God does that to others through me, God use Job to help me not look at my problems. That is what God showed me and told me and I believe for I am like Job only I am not rich but honestly compared to some I am highly blessed so I don’t want to complain! I just am so thankful in everything and that is truth!
Sometimes God allows the devil to put his hands on people and God knows they will overcome. and they will speak and it will be a testimony and because you had a hard life others will live because you suffered. God places the biggest battles on the strongest soldiers. it s a learning experience.
it is not something people would want to hear about God but when it comes down to it God sees the over all picture. and God’s way is always the best ways even if they seem terrible to people. being tossed in the fire can be a refining situation.
You know after many years of being ignorant and running from the Word and praying blindly I now know faith is believing in the invisible things. Hebrews chapter 11 is a lovely read! So is James Chapter 5.
Not everything in planet earth can be explained nor can we make sense of it. I really love in Proverbs three. lean not on our own understanding but in all ways acknowledge God and the Lord shall direct your feet. trusting God has to do a lot with faith. no matter the hour give it God beloveds. and many call on the Lord when they are down and broken, when we get to the top we should also give God glory honor and praises. I mean if we can ask for things from God at our lowest, if the Lord ever rises us up I pray we bless His Name on the roof top just as we did when we were down in the dust. have a blessed day beloveds!